By the way, I'm not asking if you are happy with who won the presidential election. I'm referring to who won in your living room, your kitchen and, of course, your bedroom.
Unbeknownst to you, you cast two votes on Tuesday. How did you do so? Well, where did you sleep last night? If you're married and live in the same home as your spouse, I assume that you also cast a vote to be in your marriage. So, your marriage won. Great! Now what? Well, if you're happy and satisfied with the status of your marriage, then fantastic. Keep going.
Yet, if you want more for or from your marriage, then now may be the time to act on the vote you cast. After all, during an election, it's easy to cast a vote, saying, "OK, I choose candidate 'he or she' to fix the world." However, in your marriage, any change is up to you and your partner. Therefore, your vote and commitment to stay together was just the beginning. If you want to enjoy all of the benefits your marriage can provide, it's up to you to make the changes needed to get there.
The good news is that for most couples, this is an achievable outcome. What's the bad news? Many people, perhaps men in particular, will be hesitant to talk about their relationship, certainly to an outsider. So, let's talk about a few things here.
Here is a warning to you. Since your woman requires you to address her needs, you MUST CONTINUOUSLY try to find out what they are. Therefore:
- Listen to your beloved so that you understand what her current needs are.
- Don't then ignore what you learn.
- Your marriage will only be happy when you act upon what she has shared.
- Silence isn’t always golden. If you are unable to understand or respond to what your wife is telling you, it might be because her message is somehow threatening. This may be the time for the two of you to speak with a third party who would like to help both of you succeed.
- Better to be uncomfortable for a short while with this committed third party than to rob your marriage of the beauty it could achieve.
Here are some suggestions to help you speak with your man so that he listens:
- Share your love and commitment before you start.
- Don't complain, explain.
- Detail what would make you happy and why.
- Let your husband know that you understand that he wants to make you happy and that is exactly the reason why you are confident that both of you can grow together.
- If your husband shares that he envisions experiencing difficulty meeting your request, don't then criticize him for being unloving.
- Now is your turn to listen to the meaning behind what your beloved is saying. He may have his own needs that could be threatened by your request.
- This is where wisdom comes into play. Remember your goal: a happy marriage with two winners.
You also need to reciprocate this process. Surely enough, men have needs as well. But the key to both of you getting your needs met is ironically to focus on meeting each other’s needs. Two givers enjoy more than two takers.