I WON'T be advising you how to:
- Hook up or
- Find a friend with benefits
But, if you would like to find a life partner, read on as the goal helps determine the game plan.
First, though, a general statement: even in relationships, there is such a thing as common sense. Picture this, you see a guy and he's good-looking. He moves on over and introduces himself to you and very quickly escalates to being quite flirtatious. Why? His goal is to take. He wants to enjoy sex, and if you are offering, why not you? Perhaps you like the attention and, besides, you have your own desires. Couldn't you both enjoy the rest of the night or for however long it works while you continue to search for someone more long-term? If you really consider this a plan then...
Consider the following consequences:
- Being distracted will end up making you less available. If a friend knows of someone they think you might want to meet, they will be less inclined to recommend them to you. You are, after all, involved elsewhere.
- You notice someone interesting while the two of you are together. Unfortunately, you are at a significant disadvantage of getting their attention.
- An unwanted pregnancy or STD can also interfere with both your current plans and the rest of your lives.
- The flood of hormones released through affection and sexual contact may end up causing you to fall in love with a man who is not really interested in you or in making a commitment. A potential broken heart may result.
OK. So, you plan on meeting a man who has the potential to be a partner. Where do you start? How about with a question? What are you looking for?
- A certain physicality (BTW: the person you end up choosing probably won't match)
- A great dancer or bowler
- An artistic type or a macho guy
Once you have figured out what is important to you, ask yourself another question. Are you more likely to meet this person if you have a plan or by hoping that the next interesting man you run into will have these qualities? Just to clarify, I am not saying that you should create your ideal as say, a 6-foot muscular bowler who is also interested in yoga, frequents the library and enjoys sushi for breakfast. Besides, who knows if he even exists. And furthermore, should he, who says that he would be interested in you? No offense. Perchance his dream woman wants to spend many evenings watching sumo wrestling and just maybe that's really not you. Lastly, who is to say that there would be any chemistry between the two of you if would meet?
So, what does it take to create a real plan?
First, know thyself!
- What do you really need? Which woman wouldn’t want a great guy who is handsome, wealthy, kind, generous, loving, funny and only interested in you? But, let's get serious.
- What do you value? Honesty, integrity? To what extent? How honest are you?
- Are you comfortable around someone who is more outgoing or quieter than yourself?
- Do you have children? Who would be your priority? Which of you would determine how discipline or praise is meted out?
- Could you accept his children?
- Where do religious beliefs and commitments fit into your life?
- What mistakes did you make in your previous relationship(s)? What have you learned from them? Do you need to do something differently next time? What? How?
- Do you want to live separate lives, move in together, legally marry, have a religious ceremony?
- What are you willing and able to compromise on? What are your absolutes?
Now, where is he?
- Are there places or organizations that someone like this might associate with? Clubs, volunteering, gym, online organizations?
- Might someone you know be able to recommend someone who comes pre-vetted?
- Is there be someone at work who has impressed you with their qualities over time? Have you seen them under stress or tired? Does your place of work have a policy on office romance? Don't jeopardize your integrity and reputation at work!
- Where he should NOT be is in a marriage or committed relationship!
Are You Ready?
- Have you developed your own qualities? Would he be impressed with you? Do you enjoy giving, are you patient, are you self-centered, etc.?
- If not, what can you do in the meantime to become that person?
God Bless. I hope you find these suggestions to be helpful. If you have ideas that YOU think would help someone else find the right partner, please share them in the comments. If you're already blessed with your partner, help someone find theirs. If you're currently looking, helping another might clarify your goals and aid you along your journey.