No. They aren't. But, they are also not impossible to come up with. When cold winds start to nip at you and you realize that the windows are already closed, it's time to start analyzing.
What might be causing the cold shoulder, the frosty look and a feeling that the summer of your marriage is slowly turning brittle? Most of the time THE ANSWER is the same. Someone is not happy. Maybe both of you aren't happy.
Let's look a little deeper. What kind of happiness is in short supply? It's the unhappiness that stems from unmet needs. The origin of this problem may be come from within or from outside of your relationship.
A lousy boss, difficulty making ends meet or the declining health of a parent can certainly affect our happiness. It doesn't matter whether the need not being met is for importance, safety, connection, etc. As a spouse, our role is to be supportive and make sure we communicate that support to our beloved. Sometimes we can even work together to figure out a solution. But, both spouses need to be on guard that we don't let negativity from outside bring the relationship down.
At other times, the unmet need comes from within the marriage. At that point the recipe for fixing the situation is as follows:
- TALK TO EACH OTHER to figure out what is wrong
- If there is a negative, come up with a plan to remove it
- If there is a lack of a positive, come up with a plan to provide it
- Follow the plan(s)
The relationship WILL improve.
Using the house analogy above, dressing more warmly would be the equivalent of turning away from your spouse and fulfilling your needs elsewhere. Improving the relationship would be like turning the heat on. If you just dress up, your extremities will remain cold. So, do yourself a favor. Get real cozy. Respect and love each other.