What is a person? How about a composite of a precious soul and a very physical body.
A major goal in marriage is to elevate your passions to help you be positive and constructive. Loving each other is beautiful. Making love with passion is beautiful. It is even holy. Why is that?
'Making Love' demonstrates and reinforces the precious exclusive relationship that spouses are privileged to share. They join as one flesh and one soul and our brains cooperate by releasing a flood of feel-good hormones like oxytocin that strengthen our bond.
You can get a deeper insight into the idea of 'holiness' when God describes the Israelites in the desert as a "holy nation." This is despite all of their shortcomings; these are very clearly spelled out from Exodus through Deuteronomy. Nonetheless, it's loyalties, however imperfectly expressed, were to God alone and not to any other real or imagined powers. So, holiness equates with exclusivity. Therefore, having a mutually loving and sexually fulfilling relationship with your partner and no one else, expressing your love exclusively with your spouse, is very holy and celebrating that love is wonderful.
So, when does sex become vulgar? Well, why did Adam and Eve cover themselves after they realized that they were naked? At that point, they no longer looked at each other as complete beings, but could separate out the physical from the spiritual.
When we objectify people, natural attraction quickly becomes pornography. Recently, Chrissy Hynde described the current fashion among female pop stars in far stronger terms than I did in a post entitled, "Name Calling Role Models." She instead referred to the top stars as "sex workers."
A sex worker is someone who so disconnects their spiritual from their physical self such that their bodies become a commodity. The individual has no meaning, no inherent worth. Their use is determined by how much pleasure you they can give you or you can take from them. They are certainly not feminists in any manner that I understand.
Unfortunately, a marriage can also exist on such a level. When you see your partner as your sexual release or your social status or maybe bank account, you have dehumanized them. Sex in such an atmosphere is a gross version of what should be. People using people is never pretty.
By contrast, in a healthy passionate sexuality, you treat your spouse with dignity and seek their best interest. I think that it takes the commitment of a marriage to groom and educate partners to see each other in such a manner, at least ideally. No doubt, there are many common-law unions where there is far greater respect shown between partners than in some marriages. Why marry? God sanctified marriage for very important reasons.
So, when you are making love to your spouse, instead of thinking that you are accommodating your baser desires, instead think that you are engaged in a very holy act that God created to help committed couples achieve oneness together, a oneness that provides connection and pleasure on more than just the physical level.