Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before.
Only sometimes we err along the way. As a result, the heart of your beloved can somewhat close back up again. Now, you need to make amends and come closer once more.
Consider it this way: if late one night you're returning home but you forgot your key, you will need to use the buzzer in order to be let in. And if for some strange reason, the door is jammed, you'll need to enter through a window. Here too, you'll also be dependent on the cooperation of someone on the inside to let you in. Why will they allow you to enter? They love you and want you in their life.
And so, I will disagree slightly with the beautiful quote above. Yes, love can reopen sealed hearts. But you need to have an opening to work with. We are born wired to connect. Look at a baby. It will bond, if not totally imprint on its caretaker and soon its family. Then the rest of the world becomes the other but trust is still pretty strong. It is when emotional pain occurs that we close our hearts to others. Reopening our hearts may have to wait for romantic love.
There are so many forces at work that are constantly chipping away at your marriage, one little aggravation at a time. The heart that you may have helped open to you is also always at risk of closing back up. What are you to do?
Take a look at what you may be up against. You may have offended your beloved. Perhaps you ignored them or alternatively, you said or did something hurtful. Maybe they saw a quality that you lack in someone else and being tired of wishing you also had it, decided it was less painful to close their heart to you instead.
As soon as you realize that you have caused your relationship to take a step back you need to step up and take responsibility. It may not be fun but you need to be open, to realize that you are not perfect. No one is and that's OK. Just start where you are and work actively to stop making the same mistakes.
You have a choice at this point. Either you accept the following:
- You're not perfect.
Or, you are forced to conclude:
- Your spouse is always the problem.
- Your spouse is always unreasonable.
By this point, you should be thinking that the fastest way to reopen your spouse's heart will be to admit to what you did wrong and apologize for it. You will then need to figure out how you will avoid repeating what you did. Notice you didn't read that you need to figure out how to avoid getting caught in the future. Marriage is about personal growth as much as it is about giving to your partner. In fact, it's in overcoming your resistance to giving to your partner that you grow.
Communication is key to a healthy and successful marriage. But, communication is a tool that you use to build your relationship. Great communication that does not result in an active plan to address the issues of your marriage will not help you to achieve the relationship you want.
What your partner and you need now is a process. Communicate your needs and make sure you really understand each other. Next, build a plan to avoid hurting your partner again and meet more of their needs. Finally, work the plan actively, regularly checking in with each other to assess progress and devise strategies to overcome hurdles.
There is certainly something that love does well: it helps to heal a heart that has been closed for self-protection. Listen and act on what you both need. Be honest with each other. Your hearts will open up, they will be full of love and you will both be very happy.