Let's go back to the basics. MAKE YOURSELF LOVABLE.
- Be polite: It may be going out of style, but speaking, listening and acting with politeness shows respect. The spouse who is respectful is more likely to be respected in turn. Besides, your spouse was created in God's image. How else can you behave?
- Say "please" and "thank you": Of course all verbal politeness is good. But these two expressions, when meant wholeheartedly, are an absolute must. Remember to focus on giving and not on what you think you are owed.
- Smile: Look approachable and like you are glad to be with your spouse. You may not always feel that way. But, don't worry, you should be able to overcome those times.
- Don't forget to say, "I'm sorry": If you do not make mistakes, you must have avoided interacting. It's normal to do or say something that will irritate your spouse. Even neglecting to do something your spouse wants can be annoying. So, don't be proud for nothing. Apologize and move on. Try not to repeat your mistakes.
- Clean up after yourself: Soiled tissues aren't a collector's item. Neither is what you leave on your dishes. The floor may make the most convenient laundry hamper, but some people are annoyed using your wardrobe to wipe their feet.
- Be honest: OK. This can be a tricky one. "Does this outfit make me look fat?" But, for the rest of your interacting, be where you say you will be. Do what you say you will do. Spend and drink, etc. as you are supposed to. If you can't be trusted, your spouse's love for you will head south, and not in the way you may want.
- Don't name call: Your spouse will not respond favorably to anything you may need when they are feeling defensive. Name calling is degrading. You can criticize particulars, not the whole person.
- Don't be condescending: Just like name calling is degrading so is being condescending. Your spouse is guaranteed to drive you crazy from time to time. How you respond at those times will greatly determine the quality of your marriage the rest of the time. Respect each other. And even though you may feel self-righteous when your spouse is being exasperating, sometimes they are responding to your ineptitude. So, patience and a listening ear are vital qualities to develop.
- Inspire: You need to have goals that will energize you. Most spouses like a partner who is determined to do something and is actively working to do so. Remember to make sure that your goals are compatible. You are no longer single. If you live like you are, you may find that you are heading back in that direction again.
- Let your spouse know you are proud of them: Look for what your spouse does well. Notice it and compliment them on it. You can even compliment what they are putting effort into even if it's not their strength.
- Dress nicely: Your partner should be proud to be seen with you. They should enjoy looking at you as well.
- Be clean and don't smell bad: Stains and odors can take away from your mystique. They make you less sexy and less approachable. Other people do look good and that could be a problem.
- Learn something so that you have what to share: Conversation is so important in any relationship. You should talk together about your day and what is happening with the kids or at work. But, your partner probably wants you to be interesting as well. Do you know what your spouse finds interesting?
- Learn how to play: As we mature, we settle into routines. It's easy when you are struggling financially, stressed with the children or at work to forget to enjoy your time together. So, prioritize that time into your schedules. Playfulness also feeds your drives to be sexual together.
- Be affectionate for its own sake: Each pleasant touch releases hormones that help you feel good about each other. And as you do so, your partner will think that you desire all of them and not just the parts that make you feel good. That's ironically a big turn on.
- Hold hands: Touch is amazing. Holding hands is a way of bonding. It shows that we want each other.
- Touch your spouse with love, not just lust: This is a reminder to be affectionate. We all need touch to be healthy.
- When welcome, touch your spouse with lust: Your lustful admiration of your spouse should be welcome. We all want to be desired. If your spouse isn't responding, you need to find out why. Provide help if they are overwhelmed.
- Cherish your days together: Once they have ended, you don't get any more.
- Be fun-loving in bed: Have you ever wondered why society is so sex-crazed? It's not because we're overly satisfied sexually. So, don't treat sex as a mythical end goal. Enjoy your time together. Explore. Touch. Be friends. Remember to be clean and attractive.
All of the above should help you to build a great marriage. And we can ALL vote for that.