We, ourselves, are one of the biggest obstacles in our marriage. One of the less obvious ways we are responsible for creating havoc occurs when we feel down about ourselves. Our whole disposition can head south and weakly project our lack of energy and happiness. If we're not lucky, our partner may take our countenance as a measure of how we feel about them. Suddenly, you notice that your partner seems to be sad and of course, you take their expression personally.
Regardless of what triggered the initial dissatisfaction with oneself, lovers soon feel a distance growing, then possibly gaping, between them. And next, negative perceptions of one another will continue to escalate a deteriorating situation. Inevitably, new issues will develop in this environment even though the couple may no longer remember the source(s) of their problems. So, it helps to be in touch with our own insecurities and to have a method of addressing them in a way that reassures our spouse that they are not the cause.
This sequence can begin with either partner. Other causes of this type of distancing occur when we do not feel that our beloved is loving us enough. Either they don't act in a way that demonstrates regard for our needs or they may simply prioritize themselves and leave us feeling unimportant. Once we feel isolated from our spouse, we automatically withdraw and create greater distance.
When our marriage bonds have been made fragile then we are vulnerable to threats that arise from outside of our relationship. The co-worker or the family friend can inadvertently add to our discord by being perceived as more caring than our own partner.
There is also another type of threat that poses a risk to our marriage. It's the relaxing of social values that reinforce to us how valuable our relationships are. Before you dismiss the potential impact that the latest immoral nonsense prancing about the media may have on the two of you as a couple, consider this: when personal space is no longer valued, can couple space be far behind? Here is what I mean. One of the reasons we wear clothing is because it blocks us from totally focusing on the physicality of another person. Covering the body allows ironically frees us to see their personality and spirituality. If society devolves and promotes a totally physical existence, then the values that say, "they're married and therefore not available" won't have meaning. "Poaching" a spouse will become the next cool thing.
So, if one's nakedness is no longer to be guarded as a treasure to be enjoyed between beloved spouses but can be revealed to all who share the beach, the restaurant, or the news pages, why should any other taboo remain? And if someone would counter and say that I'm being ridiculous and that one thing has nothing to do with another, I challenge them as to what they think such revealing attire is all about. "Fun?" For whom? Maybe those same people who are making millions of dollars from adoring fans. Sad.
When our minds are busy sorting through all of the garbage, is there still room in it to value the sacredness of your relationship? Ironically, this concern may apply to an even greater extent to the reader who does not hold religious views. If you don't believe that there is such a thing as the sacred between spouses, then is your marriage maintained by the joy it provides? Well, no marriage is always joyful. What is the motivation that keeps you going during those times? Great marriage skills are vital. But, holding each other as precious gifts certainly, helps.
By the way, I think that we would be wise to remember what starts a lot of these social trends. $$$$$. Do we really think that the new role models care about us? What motivates them to act as caricatures of normal people? Why do they behave as they do? And why would an army of distributors and promoters go along and constantly stick this nonsense in front of our eyes if it wasn't for greed and a total insensitivity to the needs of others? Real needs, such as the desire to raise one's children in a normal society.
Have you ever been walking down the sidewalk at a brisk pace and had to pass an older person who can only walk more slowly? Do you feel guilty as you pass them and end up reminding them of what they can't do anymore? If you agree, then I think that you will see my point. If you don't, then maybe it's time to start to consider the impact your behaviors have on those around you.
Every day we need to work on our marriage. The forces that pull us apart never give up. So, work on your marriage so that you can continue to hold on to each other with great love. Appreciate each other and continue to build each day you are blessed to share.