Odds are that the answer to the above questions would be a loud and resounding "YES!" Whenever your wife expects you to demonstrate feelings of love towards her but instead you neglect to do so, of course she will be hurt. Valentine's Day teaches that spontaneity is not always the best way to achieve a closeness to our partner. What matters most is that you meet your wife's expectations.
The strange thing about Valentine's Day is that she knows that you are being 'commanded' to be loving. Or else. So, why is it worth so much to her? I suspect that the answer is two-fold. Firstly, men have a reputation for not being nearly as romantic as women would like. At least February 14th, she does not have to ask you to remember her. Society has removed this burden. The least her partner can do is to live up to basic societal norms. Secondly, once expectations have been set, even if by society, we internalize them.
Valentine's Day is, of course, a Christian holiday. So, what does someone who is an atheist or Jewish or Muslim take away from all of this?
Here are my points to ensuring your wife realizes that you love her every, single day:
- Most men are not romantic in a way that women appreciate. (Yes, this is a generality.) So, men need to learn a vital lesson. Use your plodding nature to schedule romance. Flowers, cards, notes, whatever ideas you have should be scheduled in your agenda just like the oil change is. Women have no idea how men's brains will register 'oil change' as important but fail to remember romance. Actually, today the car reminds you of the oil change. Too bad it doesn't remind you to be romantic. Any woman reading this post should be made aware that men love their wives in ways far superior to their car. They just forget to focus.
- Don't think that if you schedule romance it will be anything but romantic. It works for Valentine's Day and your wife needs your attention. Have you ever heard of people scheduling a night out? Of course. Sex? Perhaps more awkwardly. Scheduling can be great.
- As you put more emphasis on being thoughtful about your wife's feelings, you will find that you will start to be more spontaneous.
- Men enjoy 'the chase'. Unfortunately, they may soon forget that 'the chase' is always on. Your wife wants to feel that you think that she is still worth pursuing.